i felt a tinge of disappointment.
i try to fend off the feeling but its still thr.
i noe i shudnt b feeling this way but thr are just some feelings that comes uncontrollably.
i try to self-reinforce myself that this is not the tings that u shud b looking at.
i mean.. hmm..
i guess i expected more.. but i wudnt say too much.

oh well,
if there is a change, then it wasnt genuine at all.
and that wud mean a hell load of shit.
but i noe deeep down its not.
its not.

when i was young.. he always told me how it was like to study in the States.. how winter felt.. how his housemates were.. the ppl that he met thr.. the tings that he did.. how the car engine wudnt start during the winter... how door are design to pull from inside and not push from outside so that u can get out during the winter.. how they buried the chicken in soil, coz it was cold enuff to freeze thr.. how he travelled paris, rome, italy bla bla bla.. all sorts

and as a young gal i wud envy that..

and he said.. when u get to study overseas.. at the same time u get to travel..

and i agreed.. and hope one day it will turn out just like dat.. and experience wad he did..

BUT

it nvr happened.

and now as i glance thru pics and video of those that were thr and are thr..

and i envy them.. i relli do.

and i recall.. of those words once told..

BUT

it isnt any1 elses fault.. kinda..

the economic down turn happened..

and shit happens..

so.. here i m..

IF

only they decided not to come back for the sake of the old man and stayed in the States or in England..

then i wud the most banana person in the PANG family

and not speak a word of Hokkien..

and i might not even b a pharmacist..

and i wudnt hav met Vina and Ruby..

and i wudnt hav met Ame, Daph and Priss..

and i might not hav known Him..

and i wudnt hav met Cheeky gal, Baby, Lai Peng, Gian Wan..

and .. wad else?

o maybe be soooooooo fat on carbs.. or hav this super accent to 'spit' around when i come back to this land called Malaysia to meet my grandpa every 2 years and say nasi lemak as.. 'NA-SEY LER-MARK'.. heheheh..

ok just imaginating wad it cud hav been if he wasnt chinese enuff and din care that he had the obligation to come back coz he was the oldest son..

ya..

BUT

i guess..

if time were to repeat..

and if i had a say..

i wudnt hav it ANY OTHER WAY.

BUT

i wudnt mind to hav a glimpse of wad cud hav happen on the road not taken by THEM.

but God makes tings this way.

and so it shall b this way :)

hope all goes well.
and that issue rest in peace.. RIP... from the look of it.. yup.
and that from now on everyting will turn out gud.

but me being a pessimist..
and a strong believer that 'tings u imagine, dun come true'..
its hard to belief in this sumtimes..

u cant c the future SO u duno.
but no matter what it is.. thrs always this tot of 'the road not taken' <-- yes, Robert Frost.

nevertheless, just follow the flow.
tings meant to b will happen at the end..
and tings not.. will just not.

Ever have that one person in your life that you just can't give up on, the one person that can screw you over time after time, yet u always seem to give them another chance and no matter how many times you say this is their last one, you know its a lie because there's always just one more waiting for them. The one person you know you're better off without but yet you cant find a way to let them go because deep down inside, you wouldnt know what to do without them. The one person you know doesnt deserve you but yet you choose to overlook it because you love him.

[idareyoutoclickthis.tumblr.com]

yup. all int the name of L O V E.

sumtimes it sucks to noe this fact.

HuMaNs.

drifting apart.

it happens.

we're all busy.
or is dat just my own excuse?

i am not looking 4ward to it.

not at all.

dun feel that it is in my comfort zone anymore.

or so i tink so.

duno.

i mentioned it b4

and u told me that it isnt the case

after u bcum in a r/ship for a long time, just like u, ya base on ur experience.

but that is not true.

u're the same 2.

she's the same 2.

so i chose to b the same.

at the end of the day, its just whoever next to u.

hmm but i tink maybe i'm just not used to it yet.

so near, but yet so far

and

so far, but yet so near

i was just wondering how the, as-i-wud-c-her-now, termed lil high skool kid, see it.
cud b quite entertaining huh.
and interesting.
and funni.
considering that she's seen 2.
oh well, entertaining i suppose, for her.
which reminds me i gotta 'play' high skool teacher for her soon.
SETS & QUADRATICS.
huhuhu..
i wud love to help.. but.. i duno nuts bout sets..
but for the gud of every1's soul :P
will need my OWN lil sis to teach me.. so that i can be teacher to ANOTHERS lil sis.
hehehe..
what to do.
need to giv the 'elderly' some peace of mine, hoping that a pharmacist wud do sum gud
*fingers crossed*
hehehe..

wad to do.
sumtimes.. thrs just alot of these 'wad to do' tings.
the onli ting that u can say.. bcoz it happened already.
tings can happen so fast..
too fast..
by the time u realise it..
it already happened.
wad to do.

hmmm......
but then that wud just b too 'selamba'... wudnt it?
duno.
trying hard to prevent it?
at least at the end of the day, though all has happened, at least u hav done what u cud do to 'salvage' the situation.
ormaybe doing nth is probably the best way to salvage urself.
wad m i ranting bout?
heheheh..

the word salvage makes me tink of NQ of BED20, feet cant be salvage already, gangrene.
kinda sad huh 24 yrs old.
on 5 analgesia, out of which 3 are opioids.
all staff are sick of her whining of pain.
coz everyting has been done.
i reckon one of the reason cud b.. erm base on her social history.. is that she isnt opioid naive..
so the threshold is high.. so lil amounts of opioid cant help in relieving her break thru pain.
but nvrtheless.. quite kesian.
just waiting for amputation.
sometimes tings like that forces u to noe how lucky u r.

hmm c.. wad to do.
LIFE's A BITCH.

2nd week in the ward..

u tend to get some approval from around, of ur tiny weeny role..

that they do question it..

but hell.. i just wana get my requirements done.

minus that, theres alot of tings going on...

sadness then joy..

joy and sadness..

anger..

laughter..

everyting..

hm.. make u feel mixed..

u duno wad to expect everyday..

its tiring.

i mean honestly i dont do that much..

its not easy to try to make an impact u noe, when there isnt much to change.. drug related tings i mean.

how can u question the use of cefoperazone and metronidazole when its the post op order from the main OT?

but whatever it is, hope all the trivial tings that i did and will do make a small small difference.

it is quite hard to maintain a straight face when a patient just say thank you and u hav to act like its just nth and that u get thank you'S' all the time, when u dont. hehehe... small gestures in life to appreciate.

hmmm..

we shud try appreciate all the lil tings in life. we shud. i mean, I SHUD.

A lot of bad things are going to happen to you.

First of, you're going to die.

So, that said, there's nothing much to worry about.

No matter what else happens,

you really only have two options:

you can either handle things well and be happy

or

you can handle them poorly and be miserable.

[credits to www.idareyoutoclickthis.tumblr.com]

Just two options. Pick one.

*nods*

*fingers crossed*

and all will b well.

*sigh*

wu si pun chin sien le. bo pien.

its sigh of relief of coz.

bcoz...

of whatever ever ever.

retaliating no more.

and coz..

its a WEEKEND ALREADY! :)

wearing wedges in the wards and climbing up 7 flights of stairs while doin clinical is not advisable.

but makes u look better eh.

and its easier to look around during ward rounds hehehhe..

not swallowed by the crowd..

wonder if angeline does it or not?

kinda miss just abit of the time in when we were in hosp seremban :)

thr was alot of fuss but its ok fuss.

we actually look smart here kekeke..

1st week of clinical.. erm.. not yet reached my weekly target.. bleh..

sometimes not being constrained by a superior watching u..

makes me lzzzzz...

but like ms jaime says it..

'u can take off... of coz u can.. but if u can reach ur target.. i can fail u'

hehehehhe..

its been a long long week.

bout time to pamper oneself wif

grape ice scrub,

face mask,

gtalks and 3G video calls :))