-the glass mug-

once upon a time u bought this mug made outta glass.. it was interesting drinking from it.. i mean u cud c the colour of ur drink... etc etc...
then after quite awhile u started to get sick of the mug but u still used it la..
then one day u knocked it off the table and it shattered...
so u swept all the pieces up into a bag and u chucked it aside in the corner...
u din buy a new mug coz u cudnt b bothered.. and u din come across any mug that u liked also..
once in awhile while u walk pass the bag in the corner, u wud recall that u once had this mug b4 dat u used to like...

after a couple of years, u were walking pass the bag anen u tot y not open it again and c la...
and so u did...
u poured out every single piece...
took out a super glue..
trying the stick all the pieces together..
but u being u werent so bright since it was made outta glass..
u cut ur fingers, ur palms..
but u just continued trying to put all the pieces together to make a mug..
then one day u stopped and tot no point...
so u just left it aside.. since ur wounds on ur fingers and palms will naturally heal itself..
but after a week... u walked back to the bag, poured out the contents plus the half formed mug..
took out a big piece.. and in the process u dropped it and made a huge deep cut on ur face...
u ran to the toilet.. splashed it wif water.. and it hurt..
although it hurt.. u ac expected that it wud hav hurt more...
the bleeding stop...
u dried it...
it looked fine... but there was a scar...
the damage has been done... the scar, u cant take it away...
u're sorta piss off at the mug.. but wad the hell.. it was partly ur fault since u wanted to mend the pieces rite..
but so wad...
u use a glove this time to collect of the pieces and throw it back into the bag...
and this time.. u put it in the cupboard...
u set ur alarm in ur hp.. so that a week from now.. u're gona go throw it in the bin.. the bin outside ur house...
y not just throw it in the bin straight away??
well coz u just dun do dat.. u wanna make sure dat when u throw away dat bag in a week time..
u also 'throw away' ur anger and 4get the scars on ur fingers, hands, palms and face...
u can 4get but the scars will always b there... but who cares.

so as the bag is in the cupboard...
u learn that.. once ur mug is broken.. u cant fix it back anymore...
and like most of every1 elses mug... u shud just ignore it... and throw it straight in the bin..
and get a new mug.. or just go through life mug-less...
that is how the world of mugs work..

u regret that u even tried putting the shattered glass back...

but what has been done.. is done..

oh well...
whatever will b will b, the future is not us to c.
a week from now, u're gona go throw that freaking bag in the thrash and nvr ever rem it existed =) gud for u.
gud for the beggar that picked it up while running through ur garbage bin and try sticking it together. yar go ahead and pick up my rubbish, its ur problem now.

Emmm.... Ermm... Emmm....

Sedentary lifestyle for the pass 3 weeks…
More sedentary life to comeeeeeeeeee…………..
k.. not so proud of dat..
but I “played” futsal yesterday.. yes.. “PLAYED”.. hehehehe…
I cant kick..
[I wud like to blame it on the soft cheapskate shoes.. but thrs no point of me buying a gud and expensive shoe.. coz I dun do sports and.. I’m nvr rich enuff]
I cant run…
[coz coz.. I just cant… oh but I got a gold medal in primary 6.. *gRin* but it was a relay..hehehe..]
I dun tackle…
[heylo.. did u c the players… *gulp* they’re tall… if not big…. siam tu beh hu]
Yar so… I just go keh liaw.. and to sweat.. unexpectedly it was somewhat fun playing wif the juniors… who like me… have kicks that are so soft.. felt so bimbotic… ;P

Junior: are u 19?
Me: *smiles*
Another not so junior : she’s 22 la
Me: YAR! [inner monologue: muahaha… 23 la]
Junior: hah! U dun look like 22.. u look 19
Me: hehehe..

I wonder being mistaken as younger is good for an old woman like me…
Wud dat make me seem less competent when I’m working coz I look younger than I shud b…
Eh wad la.. it’s the height… smth I cant do anything about!! K not gona start ranting bout my height dat I cant undo =(

Its been along time that I’ve been in a futsal court… as in not playing but thr to run around.. since sem 1..

I wonder if I din stop trying to run around.. I would eventually learn to kick by now??...

But then again I hav no potential in sports… NONE…
maybe I’m more tailored for games like… chess? Scrabble? Debate??
Hmmm…
Chess…. I suck at it… English chess.. I nvr win.. Chinese chess.. I dun even understand the words…
Scrabble… I dun spell.. i cant spell… if I cud carry a dictionary everywhr I go, I wud ;P
Debate… if I cud I wud hav… I only talk a whole load of CRAP n RUBBISH… I dun talk any sense… gud point?? Agree?
Hheheh guess not gud in any of those tingies…
So wad m I gud at??
Erm… erm… smth I hav yet to find out.. kinda sad to not noe wad it is at 23..
Sob sob..
But ahhhhh so wad.. but at least thrs smth to tink of during my free time… when I wait for my stupid microbes to grow in the lab… microbes that has no arrived… S T U P I D..
I need microbes for my research!! So all I’m doing now is trial testSSSSSsSssss….
Omg if it dun come any sooner.. my weekends is gona b in the lab… =( sucks.. sucks.. sucks..

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It was kinda sudden.
Still abit hard to accept.
Wasn’t close to him but yet feel kinda sad.
Indirectly, it gav every1 some sort of impact..
Now even hi bye frens wud make an extra effort to smile or maybe say smth nice… or just say smth extra like ‘hows research?’ which is obviously the only ting they can tink of to ask but wad matters most is the effort to even utter extra words…
This is how the world works.. its only until u lose sum1.. closely related or not… that u realise that u shud take ppl around u more seriously… or b nicer to them.. or not backstab them.. or not bitch about them… although its too late.. but dat is how u feel… and so u just naturally b nice to every1… but how long wud that last??? A mth or 2?? Do u hav to lose another sum1 to make u realise again then it fades away..again?? but reality works this way…

Anyways… this is like a lesson.. then again lesson wud sound too strong…
More like to remind us not to take any1 around us for granted.. in case u might just regret it one day.
And it makes me tink u noe… wad if it was me?? Wad if??
Well for me I tink… God planned everything… so when he calls u to come... u HAVE gotta go.. the only difference between u n I one day is how he calls u..dats all…

F.A.M.I.L.Y

Sometimes u fight wif them..
Sometimes u hate them..
Sometimes u wonder y u’re in this family when smth bad happens… or when u envy sum1 elses family that seems a lot less complex than urs…

but then again I tink every family hav their own deep dark secret..

yes EVERY FAMILY…

u just cant tell…

But no matter wad… though full wif dark secrets untold of…
Family is still important..
And its wad matters…
Not sum other guy..

or his family that u cant and nvr ever will call family..

provided when u force urself to,

considering that he’s important enuff to u that u hafta unwilling accept his family…

Y this sudden post about family??
Was just watching a christmas episode from The OC.. holiday season.. family thingie…
And just being random….
since I’m bz.. P R O C R A S T I N A T I N G.
I’m such a pro at it nowadays..

I wonder wad happened to all my discipline days…

sob sob.. =(

i.wan.2.go.home.eva.pack.me.in.ur.bags.plz.

time passes by so quickily..
the weeks pass by too quickily... its abit scary..
its like zooooooooommmmmmm.... zooommmmmmm.... then gone..
then u're tinking... "wad hav u been doing this week...hmm... nth much?"
deadline coming...
so many things to do...
trial experiments.... results not satisfactory... stress...
another trial.. results not satisfactory again... stress...
then ANOTHER trial.. results.... not out yet... tomolo... preparing for more stress...
ahhhhhh.....
feels like being asked to run after a car... but not told which car...
u guess...yar maybe this car.. then after awhile of chasing, u start to doubt whether its the rite car..
OR
maybe it IS the rite TYPE of car.. but different colour...
OR
rite colour but wrong car...
OR
same category of cars...
OR
worst... wrong info.. NOT even a car... wtf!

get wad i mean?? No?? shitty.
wad m i rambling bout... u c wads this stress doing to me..
disrupting my tinking..
disrupting my sleep...sorta... i mean todai..
even disrupting my hormonal menstrual cycle... bleh.. its not like pads are cheap k. [extra information?? hehehe]

complaining that theres sooooooooooooooooo many things to do... BUT still have time to blog??
hehhehe.. well.. humans are natural procrastinators k ;P
k back to work. huhu =(

i NEARLY 4gotten.

its 3rd of august...
time passes by so quickily that i din even realise that it was todai...
tinking about it everytime makes me tear...
every year of todai.. i wud go around finding for cloud 9.. just to finish a whole small bar in memory of her...
but i din todai...
coz i nearly 4get.
feel like such a lousy fren..
but that dun matter...
i wish i cud turn back time, just to voice out that i wanted to go.. just to c her the last time..
sigh...
a lifetime regret.

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a yr plus ago...
i was grumbling and grumbling and grumbling about it.. and i din understand y..
i keep asking myself y n y n y...
BUT now..
when i hear the voice... more of the chatter i once heard... now that i'm around it..
it sounds familiar...
BUT i dun like it
just OUT of my comfort zone.. and i dun like anything out of my zone.
i dun want anything related with the voice..
not coz of smth that happened that which i still dun noe and dun CARe to bother to noe..
but just because i dont like anything out of MY COMFORT ZONE..
which is sorta like a new 'discovery' for me about me... coz i onli tot i din like NEW ppl that i just got to noe... =)

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at this age, i guess i wud say i've gone thru alot of ups and downs....
enuff to b called an adult i suppose...
alot of memories...
alot of this and that..
plus all that emo'ness' and sadness the pass few mths..
every single detail.... unforgettable..
despite all that..
although i dun wake up every morning happy and excited..
and i dun smile to every1 not coz i'm angry but coz i just don't..
i wud say..
LIFE IS GUD. =]