heylo.... WAKE UP BUN.

Gian wan: How come u don’t seem to act like how u r in the blog?
Me: ah..nth la.

Gian wan again: I didn’t noe u had anything going on. How come keep saying moving on, moving on.. but nvr…
Me: o… I m!

Wow… she noticed… and concerned enuff to ask…
I’m not an attention seeker… wanting ppl to ask me wads going on…

If u don’t want ppl to noe then y do u even blog about it since its for the P U B L I C…. ?
Good ques eh.
Because… I can like express how I feel…
Then u shud just get a diary??
I cud….
Express how I feel to important ppl that already noe wads going on..
Get it???
So if u dun understand means u r not important …. I wun say not important.. just not close enuff.. for me to confide that much to…

I AM MOVING on… I’ve started moving on ALREADY..
I’ve got everything sorted out… all sorted and packed into one bag and just hiding it deep deep under my bed..
Am I suppose to like go to a dumpster and throw it away or smth???
Hiding it seems fine… its ok to open it up to peer at its contents once in awhile rite…
Peering don’t mean that I din move on…
I sound so reluctant to move on??? YAR!!! Dats y the delay… but sometimes u haf to do things u dun want to… for the BETTER of mankind…heheeh…jk jk… I meant just for the better… and its gona b worth it in the end.. bcoz there are better and more important things out there… than this shit..
Life is not all bout this bullshit. Shesh.

Anyways… u’ve gotta find a few WRONG ONES to get the rite one…
Chi chun… lu sang ho wa… wa pun MAI k.
Some ppl are just not worth it… so just not worth ur time..so maybe u need time to realise this… but good thing to have realized.. better late than nvr.
There are some ppl… that u can do WITHOUT IN UR LIFE

EVENTUALLY… he wun make a difference anymore…
Oh.. and at the end.. u’ll b thankful instead.. coz u’ve actually grown more mature.. YES… mature..

[Extracted from Bavarhni’s laptop]

Changed my mind bout the bag suddenly?? Yar.. yu sio yu jiat...took it out from under the bed.. and threw it down the my vista balcony…buh bye.

Btw.. thanx Gian wan… I really appreciate the concern… and thanx for reading my updates… like I said, it was really easy to giv u advice on wad u shud do… but using my same advice on myself…HARD.
Thanx again WOMAN =)
O thanx chia woon =) although we love to insult each other… I really appreciate our frenship.. and I noe u’ll MISS ME when we graduate ;P

No more emo post from now on…
Just more and more PISSY POST.
oo.. I’m gona get a new housemate this weekend… aHHhH.. I hate changes.

broke with a broken heart... hah! life's GREAT.

i bought an external hard disk... *gRiN*

which is why i;m so broke now!!.. Rm245... for a sleek... 160 MB western digital (WD) external hard disk...

apa tu western digital?? apparently its gud... so if i wanna buy one might as well just get a gud one =)

walking out of low yat... i had one buck left onli in my wallet...ONE BUCK!!!.. plus a debt of 25... to ben...

omg.. talk about kiaw... i've never been this broke ever...!

*tink* *tink* this is a long term investment... *self convincing*

----------------------------------------------------

after 54 days.. yar...54..

after all the days that i've been hoping..

after all the lying to myself..

after all the times i've made myself ignorant..

after all the raining in me...

after all the stabs my heart has suffered...

and after all the multiple goodbyes that nvr seem like goodbye..

it is TIME...

TIME to move on.

TIME to 4get.

TIME to embrace the fact.. every single detail of the fact... thats heart shattering..

To embrace reality...
To embrace the past and the future..

THIS.. is just it.... just it...

its like ripping a part of me away...

like slicing my heart wif a scapel..wifout anasthesia.. create this huge wound...let it b inflammed and infected... and pour salt all over it... yar.. its DAT painful..

unimaginable?

being a future pharmacist... i noe i'll nvr find a drug to cure this... NEVER.

but i wud nvr ever wanna get this 'condition'...or 'disease' or 'illness' again....WHATEVER.

my heart is DEAD...

but one day.. it'll heal... just one day.. it'll b alive and beating..

just one day. satu hari nanti. bila kau kembali? BULLSHIT.

sigh.

GUDBYE.

*self-conscious* Bun, THIS IS IT. Life HAS got to go on.

------------------------------------------------

so gona b pissy for along time...

sadness leads to depression leading to frustration then to anger.. then just PISSY'NESS'...

sigh. i miss ame.. daphne... iggy... michelle... vasan...

RE-search on Mucuna bracteata...AND IN-search of my old self.

E M O... emo emo emo emo..
yar the last 5 post were just emooooooo..... full of it...
every1's life has got its ups and down... so wads wrong if i got EMO ;P
the end of all the emo'ness'??? hehehehe... i duno.. maybe for the time being i guess...

its been already a week since research started.. and... I DONT LIKE IT....
all extraction lab work cram in 3 weeks....
i'll b in the lab most the time... i'll b so sick of it.. wait.. I AM SICK OF IT ALREADY!!
i can even imagine the ethanol smell NOW!... bleh!
so much lab... and with everything thats been going on lately... every1 just seems to piss me off... k not every1...
i get pissed off easily during normal days already.... wad more to say at times like this...
my inner monologue keeps running wild!... gosh i duno how many times i'm gona blurt them out...UNintentionally.... uek~

anyways..been tinking...
realise that i am not who i use to b 4 years ago... in wad terms??
erm.... in alot of ways...
good and bad...
i tink i prefer the old me...
i wonder where that went to...
i tink i use to have more identity..more character... too much of it maybe?? hehehe... too much character is an identity 2 wad... rite?
or is this just the process of growing up.... learning from mistakes... learning from life... perhaps.
u gotta experience it to b able to understand it.
gosh... that sounded so deep la... ;P
i guess... from now on.. i'll b in search of my OLD SELF... the old ME.. =)