after finals...

there is so much tings to do!!!!!!!!
shud i start my pre-exam-wad-to-do-list again??
shud i?

bah.. blogging is just another subconscious activity.. to NOT study..
sigh. sigh. sigh.

The first ting i need to do after finals is.. SELF-GROOMING..
i look like a wreck..

YES.. i do bath ok.

wanna..

cut my nails..
blow my hair..
shape my eyebrows...
yada yada.. so much that i can tink of now.

«¤°~£î£ Ðêv‡£~°¤ » - mindfcked. <-- truely indeed.

i've said this gazellian of times... but i just cant wait till the finals is over..
y not open a bottle of champagne after OSCE during quarantine?
y not start drinking rite after the last station in CSU?
sounds gud to me.
u?
;P

ok.

just when i started 'enjoying' a week of the OLD YOU... the care.. the nice old chats...
u just POURED the NEW u onto me AGAIN... AGAIN!
its like a slap back into reality...
new reality?
old reality?
i duno le.
confused.

cranky.
hello, i can b cranky too ok.

I HATE.

i hate i hate i hate i hate.... T H I S.
DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN.
I HATE STUDY BREAKSsSSsSssss....
i hate examsSsSsSsSSssssssss.....
can i just b at the time after exams but still sat for it oledi but i dun go thru the process although i did..
GET IT??? get it?
sucks.
aHhHhHhhHhHhHhHhHh!!

i duno.

i duno. i REALLY duno.
i care BUT i dun care. get wad i mean? ;P
so luan ar!
do i hav a say? or not?
feels like i do.. BUT feels like i don't?
whr is my stand?? position? tittle? hah!

'Seb' told me what i SHUD DO..
yar.. i noe... he always analyse situations the best.. honestly, i felt abit piss..
after that, listening.. to wad 'monster inc' had to say..
its AS THOUGH the coin has turned.. yar was quite happy..
hmm.. is as though a rite word..
i duno! if yes.. means the coin din turn.. if no.. then it did! *clap* *clap*
its not gona change la.
maybe just aft a yr n a half?
THEN WAD?
so many tings can happen!
i'm in denial man... hah dats how humans cope wif grief rite? hehe.. suck.

feel so indecisive!
hah.. duno whether DAT wud make a difference..
wad le.. talking n talking n going in circles..
so CHUAN.. u noe.. wad is CHUAN.

aiya. aiya. aiya.

AIYA-ing...
mock- OSCE is tomolo..
i'm just gona go screw up.
sucks. sucks. sucks.

PAUSE. WITH HOLD.

everything is all about exams now.
and everything that come my way and is coming my way apart from exams.. has to WAIT.
yes.. WITH HOLD... or is it WITHOLD.. whatever.
yup.. any bullshit that came and is coming.. has to WAIT.

*balls of bullshit, inches near my face, frozen in mid-air*

oh well, sori.. but its THE exam...
THE EXAM = future.

i dread the tings that i noe i hafta do after exams.. yar.. heart shattering shit.
ac exams is just an excuse to prolong the duration of not doing anything..
so wad. it is still an excuse.
at the same time, i dread exams...
so all in all.. dreading every single moment now.. and then.

its gona b an emotional rollercoaster...
can i pause and withold emotions too, till exams end? hehehe..
is emotions an action?
is an action called a verb?
ok.. out of the point.

can i skip it all.. but still hav gone thru it all.. but not feel how it feels like then n thr..
get wad i mean...
yar.. steph wud understand.

aHHhHhhHhHhHhHHHHhHhHhhhHH....
yaba.. so i was saying i dun care.. but tings happen... bullshit happens.
my dark tunnel.. well.. sum1 is pumping in alot of bullshit into it.. so if if i stay thr any longer.. i'll drowning in a pool of bullshit..
so i m gona do wad i haf to do.. though i hate it.
i dun mind if the coin turns.. dat wud b real.. wondeful.. but it wun.. though i will always hope.
once i'm done wif wad i do.. sigh..
i'm getting into my car..
driving to vina's house.. to get my MUG.

wad d.

yada yada yada...

life was..
just shit shit shit
anen it went to siening siening siening
anen it went to WHAT THE HELL mode...
wad d hell, wad d hell the whole way thru.. everything plus s'ban..
anen.. life NOW.. is... WHAT THE FUCK already..
i seriously dun mind siening + wad the hell..

i feel like i'm standing thr.. anen sum1 is just throwing balls of bullshit at me.. AND i din even duck.. yar... bullshit slam rite at muh face!

i was staring at my inbox tinking... HAH! is it like april fools? a joke?
its like i had to blink.. n blink..
anen it was still thr..
anen i just... chuckle.. and tink..
wad the fuck, wad the fuck, wad the fuck..
anen the last tot... FUCK.
oh my word..
somebody shud hold a 'hailer' those.. big microphone tingies.. and stand on the chair and say right in my face ... 'MICHELE, U R SOooooooooooo.. FUCKED UP!!'..
oh well.. oh well..
problem still not going away..
ok.. my bad.. undeniable true.. my bad..
but SERIOUSLY... i dun need such bullshit to b shoved in my face..
and it takes 2 to mingle.
dats all i can say.

p/s: sori for too many 'fuck's around.. no other better word..

why.

why do we still hold on.. when we secretly noe that its never gona work out?
just to make up for b4?
maybe not.
i duno.
a small part of us noe that whatever the outcome maybe, we wud.. i wud.. u wud hold on to the end..
well.. i wud.. u wud.. feel betta..
at least thr was some sort of something..
at least at the end, there wud b some memories to hold on to.. for me at least.

its like walking in a dark tunnel.. u duno where u're going.. just walking.. but u noe that there will b an exit at the end of the tunnel but u duno when u will reach it.. u dun wanna leave the tunnel but u're walking.. u ac cud stop.. but the rite ting to do is walk, so u walk.. u dun wanna leave but coz u're walking u noe u will reach the exit... just duno when.
u dun wanna wonder when.. though u noe when will come.
n u dun care anymore.
u're just gona continue walking.




last bye BAH.
i duno.. n i dun care.
u can giv me that glare.. or u can wonder.. or u can judge me..after all i can actually on my torchlight in my hand and run out to the exit...
BUT i wud prefer it if u wud giv me the support i need when i reach the end of the tunnel..
it wud b too bright.. i tink i can handle it.. but who noes.

Last bye.

When Christina Yang found Burke in Grey’s Anatomy, she thought that he was the one.
BUT then he wasn’t.
BUT how would she have known then.
I bet she love Burke and continued loving Burke though he left.
While she was feeling sad and she needed time to accept the fact…
She didn’t noe that in the future, she will meet… Dr Hund... and reali love him too..
Well duh, humans can’t c the future.

So I m Yang, feeling sad about Burke.. needing time to accept the fact that Burke left..
I don’t noe the future, I don’t noe the existence of Dr Hund.
I m doubting the presence of Dr Hund.
B’coz I m human, I can’t c the future.

Its better if we never care. Gud luck in ur exams. Happi birthday n congrats on ur graduaton. Take care. Last bye.

I m so scared and I fear this but this is MY last bye. NOT urs.

the old u

what happen to the old u?
where did the old u go?
i can’t find u.
where are u hiding?
can u plz show urself, coz I really relli miss u.
i miss the OLD u.
the old u .. the part of u that would nvr come back..
sigh. wad happened?
perhaps u just died.
maybe I was the one who help buried u.
but right now, wherever u may be.. died or alive… I miss u.
I don’t miss u.. I miss the OLD u. there is a difference.

all i wanna say is ....

this is.. M A D N E S S..
3 PCP for keivan in the next 10 hours..
i do PCPs like a tortoise.. even slower than Leo-Potato (fyi dats my pet tortoise)
abuden.. u shud haf seen his determined face...
he didnt care how we're gona do it.. we just NEED to do it... even we had to D I E (ehhe.. ok over exagerrating)
working under stress ? dats for carol ONLY..
blogging when i have like plenty.. no.. A SEA of work..
oh well..
Sori sir.. no i mean.. Sori Keivan.. eh no.. its Malaysia we dun call lecturers by name..he never gets that... Sori MISTER Keivan.. but since u're so persistent than i shall giv u QUANTITY and not QUALITY work.. *sheepish grin*

it is STILL madness.

and i m going to b rolling in this pile of SHIT for the next one mth..
one month from now.. this nite.. it will b.. all O V E R.. gosh.. it betta b.